Problems with assertiveness and self -consciousness
These sorts of problems are linked with low self -esteem. The immediate concern might be that we always seem to be letting others make the running and we feel that if we ever assume greater visibility at work, for example, we will come under fire. Even in close relationships we may allow friends or partners to subtly domineer us, if we are afraid to express our feelings properly..
Most often the blueprints for these feelings are laid down when we are very young. The maintenance of a low profile may have been an effective strategy to cope with siblings or overbearing parents or teachers who humiliated us to hide their own inadequacies. We can, unfortunately become so strongly identified with this way of coping that in later life it becomes completely automatic.The problem is that maintaining it tends to always place us in a submissive position to those who interact with us so that we draw the unwelcome attention of those who are overtly domineering, or even bring out the very worst in people who might be quite close to us.
If we structure our lives around this pattern of behaviour, we can actually find that we don't really like ourselves very much, but may fear the consequences of bringing more of ourselves into relationships with work colleagues, managers supervisors, spouses, our own children and friends.
At the other end of the scale the immediate concern might be that we employ the opposite strategy and become overbearing and aggressive in order to preserve a very fragile self -image. In this case the external effects may be what we actually seek in a material sense i.e. success at work for example. The true effects on our nervous system and how we feel about ourselves may be just as negative as being under assertive. People are usually alienated by this type of behaviour. Such a person may find that they cannot sustain any sort of nourishing relationships as they simply repel people, whom they attempt to relate to in any depth, because of their need to hold power in a relationship. Their need is to be dominant and have others essentially assume a submissive and compliant role. When their dominance becomes questioned in any direct way the response will be anger and vindictiveness.
Sometimes these different styles of insecurity will actually complement each other and the true dominant- submissive nature of the interaction may only reveal itself intermittently because of some sort of pay-off for each individual. The trade off is rather damaging for the self -esteem of the serf and simply encourages the arrogance and pomposity of the landlord.
Hypnotherapy allows us to relax the compulsive focus on such strategies, by giving us access to a deeper, less conditioned dimension of our awareness where we can begin to get a much better orientation for ourselves. If we establish a strong connection with a naturally relaxed , self- accepting energy in ourselves, we begin to loosen the identification with negative, destructive behavioural patterns. We can use hypnosis to catalyse powerful, positive change.